Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
