aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
