I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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