Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He passed out mid-signature
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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