I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
