Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
