dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just want to make out with him forever
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
