just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Success! We fucked roommates!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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