only you would photoshop your dick
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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