I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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