my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
