wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
