So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
