escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
