I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
