dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
