don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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