hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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