That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
