I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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