i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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