watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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