I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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