I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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