there's paper in my vomit.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize