Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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