Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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