What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My cat gives me a boner
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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