i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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