my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
