I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
