Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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