life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
