if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
