she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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