her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize