I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
