i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
