Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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