yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
