I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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