just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
