i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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