We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
