she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
