the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
