apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
