he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
