Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
