Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
