Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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