If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
