my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
