why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
