Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
