It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
