Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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