I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
