I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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