I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
