I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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