It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize