Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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