I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
