How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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