They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i drank out of a bidet.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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