I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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