were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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