he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
