Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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