tell your sister to shave her snatch
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
