My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wish you could order shots online.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
