Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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