Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
